Celebrating Fathers Day Without a Father

This wont be the first Father's Day that I've had "without" a father. (I would count the two years after he decided to rescind his fatherhood of my sister and I, not telling us his address or phone number as being without a father.)

But this will be the first father's day without my dad here on earth. I haven't really dwelt on it too much to be honest. It was never really a big deal in my house. My dad didn't like gifts and fan fare, and I dont really remember any specific father's day from my past. It did probably involve giving him tools or dinner out.

In spite of all that, I am obscenely thankful for the older men in my life who HAVE been there for me. I can only list so many, but the pastors of Faith Tab and Grace Harbor, my grandpa, my mom's husband George. I cherish the times they protected me, prayed for me, provided for me, and cared for me. The past six months have also been a rich time of learning about the perfect father that God is. This Sunday I will celebrate the fact that God has been gracious to me and given me himself, and those here on earth.

Anyways, I'm not really interested in making a big deal of this "hallmark holiday." But I do feel the urge to share with you some interesting, cool, heart wrenching, or "gadget-y" links about Fathers. Take a gander:

Searching for Abba on Father's Day by Margot Starbruck
When I tracked down my birthfather, he was not interested in knowing me. With my unwillingness to face the sting of his second rejection and the chronic layers of grief it triggered, my pain eventually became unmanageable

Five Things You Didnt Know that Father's Do by Glenn T Stanton
As we celebrate Father’s Day, we should recognize that fatherhood is not merely a sentimental role, but a profoundly practical one as well. Fathers do far more than put food on the table, teach us to ride a bike or take us to our first baseball game.


Cool Father's Day Cards by Dot in the City


Father's Day Secrets by Post Secret


Father's Day Special from Cruciform Press 
Cruciform Press has a Father’s Day special going on. “Get your dad (or really, anyone) a one-year print book subscription and you gain a special opportunity —Buy yourself (or your church, your small group, your reading club, your neighbor…) any number of books from the Cruciform Press catalog AT THE $6.49 SUBSCRIPTION PRICE.”


Glorfying the Father of the Fatherless by Jason Kovaks
God calls us, his adopted family, to be a part of his care for the fatherless. At the core of God’s nature is a Father’s heart that we are to reflect. Scripture is clear that practical care for orphans is fundamental to the mission of the church.


What are your thoughts on father's day? Anything you would like to share about Father's Day family traditions? How do you encourage your dad or the men in your life? What special things do you do for them?

"How to Help Your Grieving Friend"

Molly Piper is a sweet blogger. She is encouraging, honest, and I always glean something from her insights. She has the most adorable kids who do silly things. Anyways, she lost her daughter as a stillborn and after reflecting on everything, wrote a very helpful little series about grieving that I have enjoyed, and thought I would share.

Posts in this series:

• Just Know That She’s Exhausted
• She’s a Scatterbrain
• There Is No Timetable
• She May Explode (But Probably Not)
• She Can’t Grieve on Command
• Ask Her Specific Questions
• Avoid the Flippant Comfort of Hallmark Answers
• Always on My Mind
• 10 Tips for Bringing Meals to a Grieving Friend
• Cleaning Her House Is Next to Godliness

Though I obviously have not lost a child, grieving has some similar tendencies, and I definitely relate to her posts. It was a blessing to have people bring over food. It is great when people ask me specific questions. I wish someone would clean my house. Dont tell me that my dad "lives as my guardian angel in my heart." And I'm both scatterbrained and exhausted (though not as much any more), and hope no one feels offended if I have forgotten to call or do something with them. 

My sister reminded me that is has been a month since my dad died. I cant even believe it at all, because the  whole thing feels like it could have happened yesterday. Wow.

God has been my comforter, provider, and father in ways I never would have imagined, and while I am trying to "take joy in my trials," I am definitely not enjoying it at all. 

Anyways. I am so thankful for the people who have dug down in and asked those awkward questions to see how I am since I'm not especially good at communicating that kind of thing. Haha. 

Read those posts. Let me know what you think! 

Have any other ideas of something that was helpful to you in a rough time?

Dear Dad

I was cleaning my room this afternoon and stumbled upon a half written letter to my dad that I had started when I was in Russia. My heart was hoping I had left it in Russia and wouldn't have to deal with it, but alas, it made it into the pile of papers on my desk. I would give anything to go back, make myself finish it and send it to him. Who knows what would have happened, but then again, thats not what happened.



Hey Dad,
  Its Alissa. You might not have a lot of time or interest to continue reading, but I hope you do.
  I am writing to you from Zavolzhye, Russia, a small town about 6 hours north east of Moscow. I have been here for about two weeks, and already I have come to learn many things.
   In a small town where alcohol is very prevelent in family  issues, I just want to thank you for being an example for me and Kailey in the fact of not often drinking, and raising us to stay away from drunkenness. I also want to thank you for allowing us to attend private Christian school. The difference it has made in my life is incredible. Teachers who cared and honestly put my best interests in front.
  Growing up in this way has certainly brought me to where I am now- sharing the Gospel of God's love and forgiveness in an area of people who have never heard of such things.
   I am not going to pretend that everything is ok between us, because it's not. I feel hurt and sad at everything that has happened in the past year/few years, as well as the fact that we have never been emotionally or spiritually close. Im afraid that it might have to do with my own prideful mindset, and I truly want to apologize.
   You are my dad, and I am your daughter, and I love you, and I hope you love me. It would mean  the world to me if we could work past whatever is between us and be back on decent terms.

And thats where it ends.

Ephesians 4:26-27 says this:
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, ²⁷ and do not give the devil a foothold."


One day of hurt feelings can easily turn into two, and that turns into two years. Before you know it, your dad is dead, and its too late to make things right. 


There are a lot of reasons that I could be upset with how my dad blew up our relationship and caused a lot of hurt to a lot of people. But I have no excuse when looking at the pride I let linger in my heart, the pride that said, "Well, you deserve to be hurt. Let him figure it out if he wants to make things right." What crap. What lies. 


I challenge, encourage, and implore you strongly, every single one of you, to go and fight for your families. There is absolutely no reason that you should not do whatever you can in your power to restore broken relationships- mother daughter, sister brother, father son, uncle niece, cousin cousin, etc.   You cannot force someone to accept this battle, but you can surely show them the love of Christ. Love that does hard things and battles sin. Then you pray, hard.