In What Ways Have I Seen God's Grace to Me Lately?

As I was provoking my mind to list the many ways God has shown me grace lately, a poem that I had written in 2003 came to mind. It is quite simplistic (and strangely philosophical), but does the job of reminding me of the many, often forgotten graces God has extended. I can imagine as a seventh grader just coming home from a long walk down by the canal, or maybe coming inside after a long day of reading on the swing in the back yard and reflecting on God's goodness to me.

God is Great
By Alissa Graham (2003)


Blades of grass and every tree, 
shows how good God is to me.
He pours down rain to wash away fears,
He has guided me well through the years.
The sky above proves God's presence,
Flowers remind me of his essence.
All the rocks and the deepest sea,
Shows how great God is to me.



Today, as I reflect on the ways that God has shown his care, love, forgiveness, and grace to me, I am overwhelmed to know that He has welcomed me as a beloved daughter in His family. He does not condemn me or hold me guilty, but "he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant," and brought provision and wholeness. He is my almighty Father who is ultimately worthy to be praised.

In My Weakness He Is Strong

God is good.

I think he brings us to a place of emptiness so we realize that nothing else will satisfy us except for Him.

A place of loneliness so that we realize that no one else can be there for us like He can.

A place of loss so we can realize that he is our ultimate provider.

A place of weakness so we can realize that he is our strength.
A place of waiting until we realize that it is His sovereign timing that is perfect.

All of these things so we learn to make less of ourselves and more of Him.

Tomorrow I get to spend time with my lovely church family through our corporate gathering and then some of us are hitting the road for a spur of the moment camping trip in the woods of Rhode Island. Spending time away from the "busy-ness" of life always helps me to gather my thoughts and relish in the bigger picture of things.
Catch ya on the flip side.

The Providence of this Grief

Let me “quickly” share an observation on the wonderful intentionality of God's plan. While I would rather not speculate, I believe this is a valid observation. As some of you may or may not know, this past fall I was briefly dating a very nice guy. Most of the details are not very important at the moment, except what I’m about to share. God is sovereign, He knows all things, and He knows what is good and helpful for us. Close to the time we started dating, he had recently lost someone very close to him and was going through an intense season of grieving, praying, hoping, and trusting in God.

The topic of death had never quite arose in my life, and therefore I was pretty clueless. Well, being the supportive friend that I try to be, I spent a lot of time researching grief, death, mourning, how we cope, and how we glorify God through the process. Literally pouring over books, blogs, articles, the Bible, all so that I could care well and be a godly encouragement to him.  Many of our conversations were a process of honestly talking through what it meant to trust in God despite this heart breaking situation. I really respected his openness with me and I truly was blown away at how he desired even more so to remain faithful to Christ. We talked, thought, cried, (and sometimes laughed) through some of the crazy responses from the people around him who were also dealing with the situation, how people approached him or avoided him, the ridiculous claims people made about the afterlife, and the painful exasperation of hurting people. We also talked about what he was thinking, feeling, and wondering. As much as I was trying to just be helpful and supportive- I was learning even more- theologically, personally, and relationally.

During this brief relationship (we have long since parted ways due to some significant theological and life differences), my heart was broken (not by him) in a good way. If you know me, I might have been considered slightly "icey" in the past, and I'm sure that those tendencies remain, but God used this situation and this relationship to soften my heart, teach me a lot about compassion, and help me see that grieving is ok.

I have probably cried more in the past year than in the past 20 years of my life. 


Not that crying is some sort of pedestal landmark, but for me it is a real advancement to show emotion in such a visible way. It is a healthy and biblical thing in fact. The Bible, in Romans 12:15, literally says "Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep." When we are able to share the emotions of others, we offer a means of comfort and showing that we care. 

 

Last fall, I was also in a psychology course where we discussed the stages of grief and how people handle it. We learned that everyone deals with things differently, but that there are also common themes. These are called the Kubler-Ross model and include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Kubler-Ross made it important to note that not everyone will work through these stages in a linear fashion, and that in fact, some might skip some of them totally. I've skipped a few of them totally and spent more time in some as opposed to others.

Isn't all of this so ironic? No.... Isn't it intentional? It's providential! Little did I know that less than 3 months later (exactly six months ago), my dad would unexpectedly die, surrounded by unfulfilled hope, pain, hurt, confusion, and unforgiveness.

Had I been newly confronted with the idea of grief and suffering at that point, I would have been practically incapable of wading through the mire, but God spent all fall preparing me for what was to come. I am sure that without this “training,” there would have been some sort of horrible faith and life crisis happening with me. But I was literally schooled on death so that when it ripped it’s way into my life, I would know how to handle it and how to biblically think through it.

Don’t get me wrong, there is no breezing through this situation. It continues to be difficult. It was heart breaking to lose my father. I didn’t think I was prepared. Guess what though, my dad dying is not some sort of "plan B" situation that caught God off guard. I know that God cares for me. I know that I must trust in Him, and that He does what is best. Through this situation, I have also learned so much more about how God is my perfect father.

 People told me that I should be cheerful that my dad is gone, that I should not be sad, he is in a better place perhaps! They said the same kinds of things to my friend, and we had conversations discussing that that isn’t necessarily the truth. Yes, for some there is peace in knowing that there is an after life. But death is not natural. It is a result of the fall of man into sin, it is a perversion of life and creation.


It is okay to mourn this unnatural situation, and realize that this is not how things are supposed to be.

We must realize that while we were all trapped in this unnatural sinful rebellion- God sent his son on a rescue mission to save us. He took the punishment that we deserve for this rebellion, and conquered sin and death so that we might live in freedom, freely relating to God as our father. Death is not the end.

We can make two choices in our life that will direct where we go after we die on earth. We can turn from our sin and place our faith in God, and we spend eternity with Him and his goodness. Or if someone rejects God, they spend eternity in a place that equals out to everything "not good," in fact, horrific pain and evil. This is justice. A crime against an infinite God demands infinite punishment. In his love he provided his son to take our place in the court room, and if we reject this love- we get the just punishment. Friends, accept God’s lavish love. I wish I knew if my dad had.

 I can ask "why did God let my father die," until the cows come home.  But the answer is really: God, why have you allowed rebellious human beings who are born despising you, to live so long? Because of our sin, we deserve death. God is gracious. He gives us the chance for life. He knows what is good for us, and what will cause us to grow. He knows what will bring Himself glory. In His sovereignty, God was gracious to order my life in a way that persevered me in glorifying Himself. 

Next time you go through a situation and you think "what was the point of that (relationship, situation, hurt, class, etc)?" Just think, a short relationship that taught me about grief, it was God's wonderful gracious providence. I am thankful.

Graduating, Done, Almost, Calluses?

I'm sitting at my desk in the JWU University Information Center and thinking about the fact that I currently have no homework, no tests to study for, no essays or field trips. Oh my. This week I crammed my hardest for Statistics (probably a good 6 hours or more), wrote up my finals, turned them in, and here I sit, at the end.

Ideally I graduate this Saturday with a Bachelors degree in Global Tourism Management with a concentration in Entrepreneurship. Of course I have two more classes to take this summer, but this basically marks the end of my college career.

On the way to Freshmen Orientation, 2007

Four years at Johnson & Wales, in Providence Rhode Island. Three years of being involved in Christian Student Fellowship. Two years of working in the UIC. One dorm and two apartments later. One gospel centered church. Many an adventure. Many good relationships, and some not so good ones. Innumerable opportunities for learning about tourism. Russia. Greece. Blackstone Valley. AAA. T.F. Green. Wow. And now I have a CAR! And so many people to thank.

Who would have thought I would be here, doing this!

My friend said that graduation feels like "they are kicking him out," and I kind of feel the same way. I'd rather not leave, haha.

There might be some denial going on (actually kind of a lot). But I look forward, and I am nervous and scared, yet excited.

Travel Practicum in Greece, 2009

I read a blog yesterday where a commencement speaker "told the graduates that they had developed calluses from all the hard work of studying, and he charged them not to let those calluses get soft." 


I do not want to loose the calluses from learning. Of course I am graduating, but just because I am in the "real world" (what a crappy term, by the way), doesn't mean that I cant learn, in fact I'm diving into an even larger, radical learning experience. 


The Future?
My plans include to stay in Providence for another year at least. I am moving in to a house next month with three sweet girls from the Christian Student Fellowship. I am going to apply to a bunch of places, including AAA and Liberty Travel. I want to work in the Travel/Hospitality industry, but I will take whatever job will pay the bills. (So if you know of a place that is hiring..!) I'll continue to be a part of the body at Grace Harbor Community Church, and probably be involved to some extent next year with the student fellowship. I hope to amp up my travel, local, and theology writing- submitting to various publications with the hope of being published more (and getting paid?). I would also love to travel more -- we will see how that pans out.. but Seattle? Iceland? mmhmm :)  

The future is quite uncertain. Thankfully I serve a God who is very certain.

If you could pray that I trust God on this new path and that I wont choose a "known pain, instead of an unknown joy."

Thanks for reading.

Any tips on life after college? 

If you graduated from college, what kinds of feelings did you experience?

Thoughts on Grief: Don't Do That To Me

 I thought this excerpt very helpful out of a very helpful article by Robyn Huck, Grief Diary 4: "Meltdown in the Produce Aisle."  She is talking about an "artichoke meltdown."  I've had one of those before, maybe not with artichokes, but more like a "car oil meltdown." haha.

If I were to come to you for counsel, what would you do? Are you going to pull out a book on “stages” of grief and tell me that I’m fitting some standard pattern and will “get over” it in 1 to 4 years? Or will you be concerned that I’ve seemed to skip a step or two? Please don’t do that to me. 

Instead, explore the specifics of my sorrow, my fear, and my longing—with me. Let this be a time of growth and enrichment. Because you, dear Christian, have the very best answers to these feelings that anyone can give. But you will also know not to rush to answers. First, you weep with those who weep. I am vulnerable right now, and I am sharing very deep things with you. Don’t rush. 

There are big fat categories of typical responses to grief that my experience does fit into. But if you counsel me in generalities, checking off boxes on a prefab list, you’re not going to be a lot of help to me. Certainly, I do want to hear that I’m not crazy, and I might need to be reminded that everyone experiences grief in their lives, but I don’t want to be lost in check-lists or categories. Treat me as an individual, because I’m hurting and feeling very alone. Generalities will make me lonelier. 

But once you know me well, telling me how I personally fit into the bigger picture of life is not speaking generalities. It’s helping me make sense of what I’m feeling.

The plain fact is, living in this world hurts. And as Ecclesiastes teaches, it makes no sense without the knowledge of God to anchor our experience into his plan. We need to see each enjoyable moment, each glimpse of beauty, each smile, each sunrise as a gift from Him.

Check out the whole article though. It's worth it.

Who I am: I am Forgiven

This is one of my new favorite songs by Sanctus Real, titled "Forgiven."   I just listen to the words and relish the fact that I am.. forgiven.  Check it out:



The lyrics are epic:

Well the past is playing with my head
And failure knocks me down again
I’m reminded of the wrong
That I have said and done
And that devil just wont let me forget

In this life
I know what I’ve been
But here in your arms
I know what I am

I’m forgiven
I’m forgiven
And I don’t have to carry
The weight of who I’ve been
Cause I’m forgiven

His Choice? His Best.

"God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him." -Jim Elliot

Truth. He is God. We are not. Therefore any of our choices are lacking omnipotence and omniscience.

Paul Tripp said it this way, "Service of your Savior King is rooted in the admission that his plans for you are profoundly better than any plans you have for yourself."


I also want to clarify that God is sovereign and that our selfish choices, or our refusal to trust in God, are not taking the situation out of God's hands. There are various accounts in the bible where God will give people what they want as a means of judgement or discipline. Kind of like letting us learn things the hard way. Of course He is still there loving us, forgiving us, mercifully NOT giving us what we deserve (but giving us MORE than we would ever deserve.) 


I need to stop fretting that things aren't going the way that I would want them too. I need to stop trying (key word there) to control every situation and not giving it up in trust to God. He is wonderful. He is kind. He is not withholding good things from me.
Lord, please forgive me for my lack of faith in You. 

Sacred Struggle

When I am visiting someone's house, there is a tendency in me to to become curiously enamored by their books. I'll usually pick up a quick stack and glance through them, noting which ones I would love to read at a later time, or borrow of course. Well, last night I was hanging out with some friends and came across two books that stood out to me. The first one is a William Butler Yeats Selected Poems book, full of poems that warmly remind me of my love of poetry in high school (and how much I want to love it again). The second one, interestingly enough is "Sacred Marriage" by Gary Thomas. I am definitely adding this to my "to read" shelf on GoodReads. I would like to share a selection of that book, one that really caught my eye. The book is about marriage, but this portion more specifically, about our Christian lives. At the moment, I really relate to it. So here we go, taken from chapter eight, "Sacred Struggle."

   The tendency to avoid difficulty is a grave spiritual failing that can and often does keep us in Christian infancy. The great spiritual writers warned that this life is difficult and that we should use the difficulty to build up character.
   William Law, an eighteen century Anglican writer, asks, "How many saints has adversity sent to Heaven? And how many poor sinners has prosperity plunged into everlasting misery?"  

John Climacus, who wrote the Eastern classic on the Christian faith in the fifth century, mocks our demand to have it easy and to shun struggle:   "I would not consider any spirituality worthwhile that wants to walk in sweetness and ease and run from the imitation of Christ." 

Jesus promised us that everyone will be seasoned with fire, and every sacrifice seasoned with salt (Mark 9:49). The desire for ease, comfort, and stress-free living is an indirect desire to remain an  "unseasoned," immature Christian. Struggle makes us stronger; it builds us up and deepens our faith.

  But this result is achieved only when we face the struggle head on, not when we run from it. Gary and Betsy Ricucci point out, "Our Lord has sovereignly ordained that our refining process take place as we go through difficulties, not around them. The Bible is filled with examples of those who overcame as they passed through the desert, the Red Sea, the fiery furnace, and ultimately the cross. God doesnt protect Christians from their problems, but he helps them walk victoriously through them.

Are we indirectly desiring to remain unseasoned infants? Or are we relying on God to get us through and deepen our faith?

What do you think?

Blessings of Singleness?

So I stumbled upon this series on "Singleness Suffering," and I just "couldn't put it down." I've compiled it and hope you too can benefit from some of the interesting and powerful perspectives. Some of the titles confused me, I mean come on, a blessing of singleness to be loneliness? But you will understand by the end, and certain attitudes will definitely be challenged.

 Let me know what you think if you happen to read any of them. Under the link there are little clips to peak your interest :)    Enjoy...

Blessings of Singleness#1: Loneliness

 "...Loneliness is rooted in the pain of never feeling truly known; not having anyone who shares my deepest fears, dreams or longings.  And the fraudulent reality that singles sometimes believe is that no one has even attempted to know us.  We feel alone in decisions.  We feel alone in our fears.  We feel alone in our dreams.  The weird thing about singleness is that no one is supposed to know us in the deepest ways.  I am in a season of life where God has declared that no mortal being will know me intimately.  And that’s lonely...."

Blessings of Singleness #2: The Pain of Freedom
"Okay – this may be a hard sell – but there is a unique pain in singleness in what the world affectionately calls ‘freedom’."


Blessings of Singleness #3: Losing Control
"...I still cling to the lie that I have control over certain things in my life.  I believe I have control over my schedule and my day and my life.  The pain of losing control in singleness constantly reels me back in from my imaginary world where I can make anything happen that I want."


Blessings of Singleness#4: The Pain of Rejection
"Jesus talks about the danger of receiving affirmation from people in such a way that it adds something to you.  People’s instinct is to assure you that it’s valid to want or even need affirmation from other people, but Jesus says otherwise.  He says that affirmation and love from another human being should not be wanted or even received in such a way that it fills deficiency in us.  He says that when affirmation from people adds to our sense of self and security, it robs us of the ability to be satisfied in Him."


Blessings of Singleness #5: Lack of Physical Intimacy
"Part of why it’s been so painful is it is probably the struggle that has confused me most.  It’s been (and is) a pretty hard sell to get my body on board with the idea that I’m not missing out on what I was created for.  It’s challenging to not feel entitled."


Blessings of Singleness #6: The Pain of Misplaced Shame "Every single in the world knows what I’m taking about.  It’s the shame you feel when someone exclaims out loud ‘why are you still single???’ and inside your head comes the shame: people are only single if they have some flaw.  what’s mine?"

Where is my Righteousness?

My pastor shared this John Bunyan quote during a recent sermon and it hit home, so I thought I would share it with you, as well as the following sermon text:

…”But one day, as I was passing in the field, and that too with some dashes on my conscience, fearing lest yet all was not right, suddenly this sentence fell upon my soul, Thy righteousness is in heaven;…I saw, with the eyes of my soul, Jesus Christ at God’s right hand; there, I say, is my righteousness; so that wherever I was, or whatever I was a-doing, God could not say of me, He wants my righteousness, for that was just before Him. I also saw, moreover, that it was not my good frame of heart that made my righteousness better, nor yet my bad frame that made my righteousness worse; for my righteousness was Jesus Christ Himself, the same yesterday, and today, and forever…Now did my chains fall off my legs indeed, I was loosed from my affliction and irons, my temptations had fled away; so that, from that time, those dreadful scriptures of God left off to trouble me now; now went I also home rejoicing, for the grace and love of God.”


o Do you see this? Bunyan grasped the truth of the Gospel! Friends, if you are trusting in Jesus Christ by faith, HE IS YOUR RIGHTEOUSNESS.

Top Ten Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife

This cracked me up, (I couldn't find the author.) 
Check it out :)


Top 10 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife 

10. Find a prostitute and marry her. (Hosea 1:1-3) 

9. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. (Ruth 
4:5-10) 

8. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim 
her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours. (Deuteronomy 21:11-13) 

7. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one 
and carry her off to be your wife. (Judges 21:19-25) 

6. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law’s enemies and get his 
daughter for a wife. (I Samuel 18:27) 

5. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. (Esther 2:3-4) 

4. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his 
flock. (Exodus 2:16-21) 

3. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, “I have 
seen a woman; now get her for me.” If your parents question your decision, 
simply say, “Get her for me. She’s the one for me.” (Judges 14:1-3) 

2. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman’s hand in marriage. 
Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years 
for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That’s right. Fourteen 
years of toil for a woman. (Genesis 29:15-30) 

1. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you 
a rib. (Genesis 2:19-24)

Fighting for Joy and I-O-U-S

Honestly, I have not been very joyful lately, and sadly more than a few people could probably testify to this. It has been an uphill fight to keep the joy of the Lord as my strength- instead of letting lies and sin contribute to my weakness.

Recently while reading some blogs, I stumbled across this blog which featured a quote from John Piper's book "How to Fight for Joy" and it really hit home. The following chunk has been a helpful tool to aid me in seeking God. Take a gander:

I—Incline "Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain." (Psalm 119:36)
O—Open "Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law." (Psalm 119:18)
U—Unite "Unite my heart to fear your name." (Psalm 86:11)
S—Satisfy "Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days." (Psalm 90:14)


I—(Incline!) The first thing my soul needs is an inclination toward God and his Word. Without that, nothing else will happen of any value in my life. I must want to know God and read his Word and draw near to him. Where does that “want to” come from? It comes from God. So Psalm 119:36 teaches us to pray, “Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain!” Very simply we ask God to take our hearts, which are more inclined to breakfast and the newspaper, and change that inclination. We are asking that God create desires that are not there.

O—(Open!) Next I need to have the eyes of my heart opened so that when my inclination leads me to the Word, I see what is really there, and not just my own ideas. Who opens the eyes of the heart? God does. So Psalm 119:18 teaches us to pray, “Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law.” So many times we read the Bible and see nothing wonderful. Its reading does not produce joy. So what can we do? We can cry to God: “Open the eyes of my heart, O Lord, to see what it says about you as wonderful.”

U—(Unite!) Then I am concerned that my heart is badly fragmented. Parts of it are inclined, and parts of it are not. Parts see wonder, and parts say, “That’s not so wonderful.” What I long for is a united heart where all the parts say a joyful Yes! to what God reveals in his Word. Where does that wholeness and unity come from? It comes from God. So Psalm 86:11 teaches us to pray, “Unite my heart to fear your name.”

S—(Satisfy!) What I really want from all this engagement with the Word of God and the work of his Spirit in answer to my prayers is for my heart to be satisfied with God and not with the world. Where does that satisfaction come from? It comes from God. So Psalm 90:14 teaches us to pray, “Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.”


God, help me to find joy, and that that joy will be purely in your wonder and perfectly holy self.
 

How do we enjoy God?

The Westminster Catechism states that the chief end of man is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever. Do you enjoy God? What does that look like in your life?

Enjoying God is a hard concept for me to really grasp, and I don't even know if I’ve gotten the concept correct.

But two verses come to mind when I think of enjoying God, first being 1 Peter 3:12 “The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears attend to their prayers, but the face of the lord is against those who do evil.”

I can enjoy God because I know his eyes are on me, and he hears my prayers. I know I am righteous, not because of anything I do, but because his grace has allowed me salvation. It is not about working to gain his approval, because he views me as his own child and friend.

Psalm 15 “Oh Lord, who may abide in your tent, who may dwell on your holy hill? Those who walk with integrity and work righteousness, and speaks the truth in his heart..”

 I can enjoy God because he has saved me from myself. In His sovereignty I have been made right with Him, have been saved from myself and can walk with integrity and righteousness.

Wow, dwelling on his holy hill? Pure enjoyment.

Maybe its because I am such a doer, but I have to remember always that it is because of nothing I have done that has earned me a place in the family of God, but merely from his pure grace and mercy in my life. And that really brings me enjoyment.

I think enjoying God also comes when we make what makes Him happy- what makes us happy.

Thoughts?

I wish it were easier...

Dial-up internet is just a common place thing here. Except, dial-up internet is finicky and most websites just crap out after 20 minutes of trying to load. 


I wish it were easier to blog. 

When I get home from a really awesome day, sometimes I just want to share a really great picture that captures it all, but it wont upload.  


To be honest, every blog post Ive written in the past 3 months has been written and scheduled in 2-3 week blocks... whenever I have time to go to Mike's apartment and use his high speed, I go blog crazy, writing everything I can think of, and then scheduling the posts for weeks out. It makes my blog feel empty and useless, like I'm not really here. But I am, I promise. And I love you all for keeping up with me and commenting. 


I wish a lot of things about living in Russia were easier. The cost of a plane ticket. The distance to the USA. Finding peanut butter. Learning the language. Trying to be polite about eating dill fish soup.  Not knowing how people really think of you. Not having summer clothes when its 80 degrees out. Ministry.
 
But despite the hardships, my good God is sufficient. He has provided me with real lifelong friendships. He has provided me with food that sustains me. He has provided me with such special people that support me and pray for me. He has provided me with a cool breeze during the humid days. He has provided me with His word that brings new life and breath into my crusty old bones. He has provided me with a salvation that promises life and joy. He has provided me with a mouth to share, and He has provided me with love, so that I may love. 

Thank you for sticking with me. Soon I wont have to rely on the "schedule your blog" feature. 
God is good. 
-Alissa 

Taking the "If" of "If I Get Married," Seriously

(orignally written 2/20/10) 

I stumbled upon this blog post the other day, and it really struck me. Here are some excerpts, for the whole post, please click here.

"Lately, I have really been questioning whether God even has it in His plan for me to be married someday—but I haven’t been praying about it seriously. This hasn’t changed my desire for a boyfriend, or heck, a date next Friday. But I have been learning a few things about myself that have made me question if I’m supposed to be married someday... 

...Some people know that they will get married someday, it’s just the when or to whom that remains to be seen. Other people, as Paul writes in I Corinthians 7, know that they are called to a life of celibacy and singleness. I’m in a strange state of limbo and could see myself going either way. Hence the need for serious prayer about this issue. In the past, when I said “IF I get married,” or “IF I find someone,” it was followed by a wistful sigh of self-pity. Now I use “if” seriously, genuinely not knowing that marriage is in my future. Sadly, some people, who have been conditioned to do so, jump at the chance to say things like, “Of COURSE you’ll find someone! Don’t be silly! Guys are just stupid and don’t know what they’re missing.” Then I have to correct them and say, “No, really. I really don’t know if I’m going to get married!”

Wow, I have been having the same internal conversations lately.

Ive been praying, “God, if its in your will for me to get married, thats cool, but I am totally up for your plans, and my purpose on this earth is to bring glory to you, so whatever way will allow that to happen best, is best.”

After making a bunch of mistakes in the "love" department, and God teaching me a lot of things about finding my joy and satisfaction in Him, I am currently single, and truly content. Thanks to my local church and many amazing people in my life, its been a grace filled journey.

Whether or not I would date if given the opportunity, hard to say at the moment, but I'm not interested in just putzing around. God has shown me incredible grace and redeeming love, and I’m interested in serving Him to my fullest capacity. If someone else came along that shared my passion, (and liked me?) I’d be all about it. Haha.

A lot to think about though, and like the conclusion from the blog, its time to take the "if" of "if I get married," seriously.

What do you think? Should we be taking the "if" more seriously? If you are not married, do you know for sure that you will get married one day? How do you pray about this kind of thing?

God Bless.

Above All, My Hope Is In You

Above All, My Hope Is In You
by Alissa M Graham 

Above all, You are my Sustainer
My hope is in your goodness
When I crave what will die
Lord revive me in your satisfaction

Above all, You are my Guide
My hope is in your sovereignty
When I lack faith
Lord, reconcile me with your wisdom

Above all, You are my refuge
My hope is in your comfort
When I face loneliness
Lord, rekindle my desire for your love

Above all, You are my defender
My hope is in your mighty Fortress
When I run in fear
Lord, reinforce me in your strength.

Above all, You are my teacher
My hope is in your counsel
When my ignorance is rampant
Lord, reform me in your truth

Above all, You are my Perseverance
My hope is in your eternity
When I start to lose endurance
Lord, refute my fleeting ways with your everlasting attributes

Above all, You, Jesus Christ, are my Saviour
My hope is in your resurrection
When my sin seems overbearing
Lord, remind me of your salvation.

Psalms 71:14, 19-21
 But as for me, I will always have hope;
  I will praise you more and more.
Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God,
  You who have done great things.
  Who, O God, is like you?
Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter,
  You will restore my life again;
  from the depths of the earth
  You will again bring me up.
You will increase my honor
  and comfort me once again.

Do You Date or Use Chop Sticks?

This topic of dating and relating is relevant to mostly everyone. I was spurred to write the following blog post by a fellow rhodey blogger (Check out his blog if you would like: Click Here.) provoking some questions about how we teach the topic in church or youth group. Do we tell people not to date? The bible is silent on the specific issue of "dating" or "courtship" and it made me think. So here is my response.

The debate between dating vs courtship vs who knows what else is kind of like debating between using a fork vs using chopsticks. They both get us to the end goal, some maybe a little cleaner and neater, others depend on social/cultural norms, but it gets the food to the mouth. So that’s not really the debate. The debate is what is the point of that action? The point is to get the food to the mouth the most efficient way possible (efficient = god honoring?). So we know we don’t want to throw it across the room, and we know we don’t want to dump the food in the garbage or burn it in a pot so you have nothing left to eat, or stab someone in the face with our forks.

Anyways, the point is: what is the point of dating or courtship? The point is a godly marriage (or to realize that you aren suitable partners). Marriage is a sacred institution established by God for the primary purpose of bringing Him glory. It’s main purpose is not, as some think, to procreate, or to have companionship, or to fulfill sexual needs. No. It’s primary purpose is to bring glory and honor to God. It is outward focused, for God’s glory, not inward centered, for our comfort. (thank you carm.org for that agreeable definition).

It’s kind of silly to bash dating or courtship, because they are just the means to the goal, and both can obviously be used and abused.

I think the way to address it this whole topic to teach about godly marriage and relationships first and foremost. Why even use the words “dating” or “courtship?” We should never even have a talk about dating without including a discussion on marriage.

Did you ever play those ice breaker games where everyone gets all these ingredients, and their friend has to tell them step by step how to get to the end goal, but they don’t necessarily know what the end goal is, and by the time they are done following all these messy directions they just have a sloppy pile of bread and gook? Wouldn’t be easier if we started out by telling them what the end goal was supposed to be about, and clearly defining it? “You are making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a sandwich is two slices of bread with the condiments in the middle.” I think their end product would be more on track than the other guy.

So we should first teach about what is a healthy and God honoring marriage. Straight up, thorough, Biblical theology about it. After that, we teach Christian grace and living, being involved in a healthy local church, spiritual disciplines, holiness, honoring God, being salt and life, missions, having good Christian friends, all that good stuff.

So now people know the clear end goal: biblical marriage, and they know how to live like someone who has been saved. I think that’s where we can now step in and give them even clearer guidelines that are pumped with grace: Stay pure. Consult elders and fellow church members and family for wisdom. Ask yourself “will this relationship glorify God.” Am I being intentional and selfless towards this person? Am I cultivating a relationship that is moving towards a marriage that will showcase the wonderful love that Christ has for the church?

After that, explain Christian freedom. Some people like to cut the crust off of their bread. Others like to toast their bread, or use crunchy peanut butter, that’s cool too. If someone can make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, without slicing off their thumb or burning the toast, then we have accomplished our goal.

If we have faithfully taught correct theology to people who are passionate about God, I don’t see how they would want to do anything other than honor God in their relationships and strive for his purposes, and they will see that being unequally yoked isn’t even an option. Steven Patton, from the aforementioned blog, said that pastor’s should not teach from a personal perspective that has been swayed by emotions or situations, but strive to teach biblical truth, and I one hundred percent agree.

I’m not a skilled professional on the topic. But that’s what I think. (sorry for all the ridiculous and terrible analogies… haha.)

What do you think? Should we just kiss dating good bye, should we applaud courtship, or should we embrace a method that is simply biblical?

Dry Skin, Dry Life

I love the winter! I love snow and icicles and the pretty bare trees. The only thing I hate is that in the winter I get really dry skin. I mean REALLY dry skin! I have tried lotions and moisturizers and all sorts of different concoctions that claim they work but leave my hands cracked and dry by the end of the day. I thought I would just have to live with my hurting hands until I finally found something that worked! It is unusual, I must admit, and a little out of the ordinary. It is this special balm that is used on dairy cows during harsh winters! I use it daily, and it leaves my hands feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the day.

There is also a special treatment for our spiritual life to keep it from becoming cracked and dry. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 gives us the recipe: “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” These are instructions for a healthy Christian life that is ready to grab life by the horns! It is a little unusual (always being joyful?!) and a little out of the ordinary (praying nonstop!?) but it comes recommended with guaranteed results! Apply once in the morning, repeat as needed, and best of all it works all year round!

-Kailey (Alissa's sister!)
Cross Posted at StandYM Blog, check it out here 

Difficult Truth

Here is a little tidbit of difficult thought that I have been challenged with lately.

"How do you know that you are saved? Because you believe? How do you know you believe? Everyone believes. How do you know you are not like them? Do you know how the bible teaches you are saved? You know you have been saved because your life is in the process of being changed, and your style of life is one of walking in the paths of Gods truth, and when you step off the path of those paths in disobedience like we all do, God comes for you and puts you back on the path. God will make a difference in your life."

-Paul Washer, Shocking Youth Message.

Enjoy

This Thanksgiving

We all sat in a circle and went around the room saying what we were thankful for. Of course we were thankful for our family, friends, and good health, promotions, etc. Do not think for one second that I am discounting those amazing blessings, but it was incredibly amazing what other kinds of things people were saying.

Every day I am so encouraged by my church family at Grace Harbor Community Church and the hearts these people have. It’s amazing to see how much more we have, as a church, truly started trusting in God's providences and grace, even when it’s dark and scary and hard and strips us from all we've got. It was encouraging to hear people talk about how thankful they were for the hard situations in their lives this year. For example, Jess was talking about her surgery and how she was thankful that God has used the pain from it to show her how to trust Him and lean on him for strength. Wendy talked about the blessings that have come from her blindness. Rachel talked about how she was just thankful to still be thankful and not bitter after a rough year.

For me personally, I have learned this past year to be thankful when God doesn’t answer my prayers the way I would want Him too. Looking back, if He had given me a certain relationship that I strived so much for- I definitely wouldn’t have grown leaps and bounds like I did, coming to a more complete realization that Christ is my all. In fact, I would still be trapped in the pattern of needing people more than loving them. If God had taken people out of my life because I didn’t think I could handle the hurt, then I wouldn’t have learned to love a lot more unconditionally those that I didn’t think I could even like. If God had allowed me to get accepted for Switzerland, then I wouldn’t be going to Russia for missions, and getting co-op credit for it -ten times better. Even thinking all these things, I am just humbled, almost ashamed for my reactions when things first did not go my way.

Looking at circumstances in this light has caused me to take a general step back and realize that I cannot see the complete bigger picture. It makes me thankful for God's perfect, loving, and violent grace in my life- that everything physical can be stripped away from us but we still have the Gospel. It’s definitely really hard to be seriously disappointed by something you thought was going to happen, and then look at it with thanksgiving- but its truth, it’s the way we should respond. We need to grasp that God knows what He is doing. He loves us, and sometimes in loving us, He has to take crap out of our lives or take us on a different path so we can mature and focus more clearly on Him.


Happy Thanksgiving... what are you thankful for?