Book Review: The One Thing No One Ever Tells You About Sex

Yada.

This one word is the premise for “What are You Waiting For? The One Thing No one Ever Tells You About Sex,” written by Dannah Gresh. Yada is a Hebrew word that means “to be known, to be deeply respected,” and is the word used when talking about a husband and wife “laying” with each other. It is found more than 900 times in the Bible, and aside from marital relations, it is most commonly found in verses that talk about humanity being known by God. The alternate word, "Shekalb," literally means an exchange of fluids- and is used when describing rape or adultery. So many people think that they can just exchange fluids with someone, and come away unharmed. But when your soul is looking to be deeply known and respected, as is the purpose of sex, and you just “exchange fluids,” you are setting yourself up to be deeply unsatisfied.
Gresh strives to show us that sex isn’t just an exchange of fluids, but it is “an exquisite revelation of a much greater love,” e.i- a picture of our relationship with God. Amen. 

While reading the first chapters of this book, I was turned off by the sort of “shock jock” literary hooks and emotional chick flick definitions of romance.  So I put my super critical glasses on and prepared to deal with whatever horrible theology was about to be thrown my way. After reading the book in its entirety, I came to the conclusion that the first two chapters should be cut from the book, leaving an age appropriate (written for young adults), challenging, redeeming, truthful nutshell exposition on sex.

I loved Gresh’s treatment on counterfit love via “friends with benefits,” as she includes interesting and easily digestable scientific research on hormones and brain functions. I love how she discusses the quest we all have for love, “to be known and respected,” and how the enemy often turns this search into an unsatiable desire for unhealthy love.

“Every man who knocks at the door of a brothel is looking for God.” –G.K Chesterton.

I was encouraged by Gresh’s stance on same sex attraction, as she challenges the reader to replace lies with truth, drag struggles into the light, and get help from fellow Christians. Isn’t that what we are called to do as Christians- admit we are sinners?  James 5:16 “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” She also talks about pornography and other “unmentionable” sexual sin. I liked that she talks about it in regards to both men AND women, and how “sex is not a solo sport,” (the title of chapter nine).  She offers the idea of forgiveness, and being made whole in Christ as the ultimate solution.

In Chapter 14, Gresh pulls out Ephesians 5 as a biblical model for finding a mate, and I whole heartedly agree with this whole chapter. She talks about finding someone that is showing signs of what Ephesians 5 talks about. I was actually surprised by this chapter, as it seems to contradict what she says in chapter two about what kind of love to be looking for. But I will eagerly take it.

Anyways, this book does struggle slightly (in my opinion) with romanticism, the idea that you want some epic  pursuit with flowers everyday ending with a carriage ride and then a marriage proposal kind of romance. If I had a daughter, would I give it to her to read? I think I might, as long as a discussion followed it up. Would this be my definite first pick for a book on the theology of sex? Probably not so much. 

“I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review”.