I rested my bike up against the bench and laid facing the cloudy night sky as I listened to the water splash on it's merry way. Sometimes after a long bike ride, this favorite bench near the Woonasquatucket River is my oasis to think and pray.
A trip to my secret bench tonight seemed extra necessary.
"God, I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm at the point where I cant even pretend or even take one measly step forward in confidence. I feel like I am getting opposing wisdom from valued parties. I am confused. I am rushed. I am yearning. I am aching for truth."
The other evening I was at a friend's house while she was taking care of her children. The little one was crying and grabbing and slurping.
"He does this when he gets hungry," she said. "Like he is insatiable."
She put the bottle in his mouth and he hungrily sucked and gummed all that he could take in.
1 Peter 2:2 tells us that we need to be as hungry for spiritual things as a baby is for his milk so that we can grow. I wondered to myself if I craved the word, or if my tear filled ache for wisdom tonight was a direct reflection that I have been starving myself of the bread of life.
If I am honest I can admit that I have lately been living on measly ramen noodle nutrition when I could be feasting on a divinely fulfilling meal. I even know the recipe, but like any good meal, it takes the dedication to set aside time to it. That is a problem. Laziness, "busyness," convenience... selfishness.
"God, I see that I crave your wisdom and your word. I am starving for it. I will fall to the wayside without it. I am shaky and weak without it. Please help me. I don't even know what to say other than help."
I rode my bike back to my house. It's about 1:30am at this point. I've come to understand my longings as almost starvation. My body aches for sleep. My first meal of the day tomorrow will be the bread and meat of the gospel.
A trip to my secret bench tonight seemed extra necessary.
"God, I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm at the point where I cant even pretend or even take one measly step forward in confidence. I feel like I am getting opposing wisdom from valued parties. I am confused. I am rushed. I am yearning. I am aching for truth."
The other evening I was at a friend's house while she was taking care of her children. The little one was crying and grabbing and slurping.
"He does this when he gets hungry," she said. "Like he is insatiable."
She put the bottle in his mouth and he hungrily sucked and gummed all that he could take in.
1 Peter 2:2 tells us that we need to be as hungry for spiritual things as a baby is for his milk so that we can grow. I wondered to myself if I craved the word, or if my tear filled ache for wisdom tonight was a direct reflection that I have been starving myself of the bread of life.
If I am honest I can admit that I have lately been living on measly ramen noodle nutrition when I could be feasting on a divinely fulfilling meal. I even know the recipe, but like any good meal, it takes the dedication to set aside time to it. That is a problem. Laziness, "busyness," convenience... selfishness.
"God, I see that I crave your wisdom and your word. I am starving for it. I will fall to the wayside without it. I am shaky and weak without it. Please help me. I don't even know what to say other than help."
I rode my bike back to my house. It's about 1:30am at this point. I've come to understand my longings as almost starvation. My body aches for sleep. My first meal of the day tomorrow will be the bread and meat of the gospel.
1 comment:
Is that your piece I see up there Ms. Crafty?
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