Blessings of Singleness?

So I stumbled upon this series on "Singleness Suffering," and I just "couldn't put it down." I've compiled it and hope you too can benefit from some of the interesting and powerful perspectives. Some of the titles confused me, I mean come on, a blessing of singleness to be loneliness? But you will understand by the end, and certain attitudes will definitely be challenged.

 Let me know what you think if you happen to read any of them. Under the link there are little clips to peak your interest :)    Enjoy...

Blessings of Singleness#1: Loneliness

 "...Loneliness is rooted in the pain of never feeling truly known; not having anyone who shares my deepest fears, dreams or longings.  And the fraudulent reality that singles sometimes believe is that no one has even attempted to know us.  We feel alone in decisions.  We feel alone in our fears.  We feel alone in our dreams.  The weird thing about singleness is that no one is supposed to know us in the deepest ways.  I am in a season of life where God has declared that no mortal being will know me intimately.  And that’s lonely...."

Blessings of Singleness #2: The Pain of Freedom
"Okay – this may be a hard sell – but there is a unique pain in singleness in what the world affectionately calls ‘freedom’."


Blessings of Singleness #3: Losing Control
"...I still cling to the lie that I have control over certain things in my life.  I believe I have control over my schedule and my day and my life.  The pain of losing control in singleness constantly reels me back in from my imaginary world where I can make anything happen that I want."


Blessings of Singleness#4: The Pain of Rejection
"Jesus talks about the danger of receiving affirmation from people in such a way that it adds something to you.  People’s instinct is to assure you that it’s valid to want or even need affirmation from other people, but Jesus says otherwise.  He says that affirmation and love from another human being should not be wanted or even received in such a way that it fills deficiency in us.  He says that when affirmation from people adds to our sense of self and security, it robs us of the ability to be satisfied in Him."


Blessings of Singleness #5: Lack of Physical Intimacy
"Part of why it’s been so painful is it is probably the struggle that has confused me most.  It’s been (and is) a pretty hard sell to get my body on board with the idea that I’m not missing out on what I was created for.  It’s challenging to not feel entitled."


Blessings of Singleness #6: The Pain of Misplaced Shame "Every single in the world knows what I’m taking about.  It’s the shame you feel when someone exclaims out loud ‘why are you still single???’ and inside your head comes the shame: people are only single if they have some flaw.  what’s mine?"

Married or Single: For Better or Worse

Married or Single: For Better or Worse By John Piper, May 2007

Following this weekend’s sermon entitled “Single in Christ: A Better Name Than Sons and Daughters,” Pastor John received a letter asking, “If what you say about the blessing of singleness is true, then why would one even want to be married?” Here is his response.

Dear Friend, You ask: “What is at all compelling about marriage? Why would we even want to be married?"

  The “compelling” comes only from the right combination of internal realities and objective truths about God’s design for marriage. When the right combination is not there, marriage is not compelling and should not be. I would say the same thing about singleness.

The objective truths about marriage are primarily God’s design: 
1. To display his covenant keeping love between Christ and the church,
2. To sanctify the couple with the peculiar pains and pleasures of marriage,
3. To beget and rear a generation of white-hot worshippers, and
4. And to channel good sexual desire into holy paths and transpose it into worshipful foretastes of heaven’s pleasures.

 That is a high calling, but it is only compelling if it meets with internal longings for God that lean strongly into these designs.

The objective truths about singleness are also primarily God’s design: 
1. To display the spiritual nature of God’s family that grows from regeneration and faith, not procreation and sex,
2. To sanctify the single with the peculiar pains and pleasures of singleness,
3. To capture more of the single’s life for non-domestic ministry that is so desperately needed in the world,
4. And to magnify the all-satisfying worth of Christ that sustains life-long chastity.

 That is a high calling, but it is only compelling if it meets with internal longings for God that lean strongly into these designs. 

I encourage you to check out the full article:  Desiring God Resources

Taking the "If" of "If I Get Married," Seriously

(orignally written 2/20/10) 

I stumbled upon this blog post the other day, and it really struck me. Here are some excerpts, for the whole post, please click here.

"Lately, I have really been questioning whether God even has it in His plan for me to be married someday—but I haven’t been praying about it seriously. This hasn’t changed my desire for a boyfriend, or heck, a date next Friday. But I have been learning a few things about myself that have made me question if I’m supposed to be married someday... 

...Some people know that they will get married someday, it’s just the when or to whom that remains to be seen. Other people, as Paul writes in I Corinthians 7, know that they are called to a life of celibacy and singleness. I’m in a strange state of limbo and could see myself going either way. Hence the need for serious prayer about this issue. In the past, when I said “IF I get married,” or “IF I find someone,” it was followed by a wistful sigh of self-pity. Now I use “if” seriously, genuinely not knowing that marriage is in my future. Sadly, some people, who have been conditioned to do so, jump at the chance to say things like, “Of COURSE you’ll find someone! Don’t be silly! Guys are just stupid and don’t know what they’re missing.” Then I have to correct them and say, “No, really. I really don’t know if I’m going to get married!”

Wow, I have been having the same internal conversations lately.

Ive been praying, “God, if its in your will for me to get married, thats cool, but I am totally up for your plans, and my purpose on this earth is to bring glory to you, so whatever way will allow that to happen best, is best.”

After making a bunch of mistakes in the "love" department, and God teaching me a lot of things about finding my joy and satisfaction in Him, I am currently single, and truly content. Thanks to my local church and many amazing people in my life, its been a grace filled journey.

Whether or not I would date if given the opportunity, hard to say at the moment, but I'm not interested in just putzing around. God has shown me incredible grace and redeeming love, and I’m interested in serving Him to my fullest capacity. If someone else came along that shared my passion, (and liked me?) I’d be all about it. Haha.

A lot to think about though, and like the conclusion from the blog, its time to take the "if" of "if I get married," seriously.

What do you think? Should we be taking the "if" more seriously? If you are not married, do you know for sure that you will get married one day? How do you pray about this kind of thing?

God Bless.

Do You Date or Use Chop Sticks?

This topic of dating and relating is relevant to mostly everyone. I was spurred to write the following blog post by a fellow rhodey blogger (Check out his blog if you would like: Click Here.) provoking some questions about how we teach the topic in church or youth group. Do we tell people not to date? The bible is silent on the specific issue of "dating" or "courtship" and it made me think. So here is my response.

The debate between dating vs courtship vs who knows what else is kind of like debating between using a fork vs using chopsticks. They both get us to the end goal, some maybe a little cleaner and neater, others depend on social/cultural norms, but it gets the food to the mouth. So that’s not really the debate. The debate is what is the point of that action? The point is to get the food to the mouth the most efficient way possible (efficient = god honoring?). So we know we don’t want to throw it across the room, and we know we don’t want to dump the food in the garbage or burn it in a pot so you have nothing left to eat, or stab someone in the face with our forks.

Anyways, the point is: what is the point of dating or courtship? The point is a godly marriage (or to realize that you aren suitable partners). Marriage is a sacred institution established by God for the primary purpose of bringing Him glory. It’s main purpose is not, as some think, to procreate, or to have companionship, or to fulfill sexual needs. No. It’s primary purpose is to bring glory and honor to God. It is outward focused, for God’s glory, not inward centered, for our comfort. (thank you carm.org for that agreeable definition).

It’s kind of silly to bash dating or courtship, because they are just the means to the goal, and both can obviously be used and abused.

I think the way to address it this whole topic to teach about godly marriage and relationships first and foremost. Why even use the words “dating” or “courtship?” We should never even have a talk about dating without including a discussion on marriage.

Did you ever play those ice breaker games where everyone gets all these ingredients, and their friend has to tell them step by step how to get to the end goal, but they don’t necessarily know what the end goal is, and by the time they are done following all these messy directions they just have a sloppy pile of bread and gook? Wouldn’t be easier if we started out by telling them what the end goal was supposed to be about, and clearly defining it? “You are making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a sandwich is two slices of bread with the condiments in the middle.” I think their end product would be more on track than the other guy.

So we should first teach about what is a healthy and God honoring marriage. Straight up, thorough, Biblical theology about it. After that, we teach Christian grace and living, being involved in a healthy local church, spiritual disciplines, holiness, honoring God, being salt and life, missions, having good Christian friends, all that good stuff.

So now people know the clear end goal: biblical marriage, and they know how to live like someone who has been saved. I think that’s where we can now step in and give them even clearer guidelines that are pumped with grace: Stay pure. Consult elders and fellow church members and family for wisdom. Ask yourself “will this relationship glorify God.” Am I being intentional and selfless towards this person? Am I cultivating a relationship that is moving towards a marriage that will showcase the wonderful love that Christ has for the church?

After that, explain Christian freedom. Some people like to cut the crust off of their bread. Others like to toast their bread, or use crunchy peanut butter, that’s cool too. If someone can make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, without slicing off their thumb or burning the toast, then we have accomplished our goal.

If we have faithfully taught correct theology to people who are passionate about God, I don’t see how they would want to do anything other than honor God in their relationships and strive for his purposes, and they will see that being unequally yoked isn’t even an option. Steven Patton, from the aforementioned blog, said that pastor’s should not teach from a personal perspective that has been swayed by emotions or situations, but strive to teach biblical truth, and I one hundred percent agree.

I’m not a skilled professional on the topic. But that’s what I think. (sorry for all the ridiculous and terrible analogies… haha.)

What do you think? Should we just kiss dating good bye, should we applaud courtship, or should we embrace a method that is simply biblical?