Monday, May 16, 2011

Thoughts on Grief: Don't Do That To Me


 I thought this excerpt very helpful out of a very helpful article by Robyn Huck, Grief Diary 4: "Meltdown in the Produce Aisle."  She is talking about an "artichoke meltdown."  I've had one of those before, maybe not with artichokes, but more like a "car oil meltdown." haha.
If I were to come to you for counsel, what would you do? Are you going to pull out a book on “stages” of grief and tell me that I’m fitting some standard pattern and will “get over” it in 1 to 4 years? Or will you be concerned that I’ve seemed to skip a step or two? Please don’t do that to me. 
Instead, explore the specifics of my sorrow, my fear, and my longing—with me. Let this be a time of growth and enrichment. Because you, dear Christian, have the very best answers to these feelings that anyone can give. But you will also know not to rush to answers. First, you weep with those who weep. I am vulnerable right now, and I am sharing very deep things with you. Don’t rush. 
There are big fat categories of typical responses to grief that my experience does fit into. But if you counsel me in generalities, checking off boxes on a prefab list, you’re not going to be a lot of help to me. Certainly, I do want to hear that I’m not crazy, and I might need to be reminded that everyone experiences grief in their lives, but I don’t want to be lost in check-lists or categories. Treat me as an individual, because I’m hurting and feeling very alone. Generalities will make me lonelier. 
But once you know me well, telling me how I personally fit into the bigger picture of life is not speaking generalities. It’s helping me make sense of what I’m feeling.
The plain fact is, living in this world hurts. And as Ecclesiastes teaches, it makes no sense without the knowledge of God to anchor our experience into his plan. We need to see each enjoyable moment, each glimpse of beauty, each smile, each sunrise as a gift from Him.

Check out the whole article though. It's worth it.

1 comment:

Anne said...

My experience is that your grief doesn't really lessen, but that you will learn to deal with it better.
Grief becomes a part of who you are. It adds minor notes to the rich and full song of your life.