Saturday, July 18, 2009

Stupid People and the Crab Shack. With Love.

So.. more specifically top five things that stupid people do at the Crab shack. 

1. Hermit Crabs. We sell hermit crabs. Do not walk by and comment how ugly those snakes are. Or spiders, or clams, or robot toys, or lobsters. No. We sell hermit crabs, and you my friend, are a fool.

2. Dont call us and ask if we are Joe's Crab Shack restaurant. Like I said, we sell hermit crabs. We are not a restaurant. We will not give you food. Now, if you want to buy a hermit crab, I am not going to stop you from taking it back home and nawing on it to your little foolish hearts desire. And its owned by someone named Brian. 

3. "Can they live together.." This is a question we commonly receive. Now, if you were to take a stroll by the kiosk, you will see up to 300 hermit crabs in one tank, frolicking around, hanging out with their buddies. Naw we just like to put them together to see them battle. Duh.  Yes. They can live together. 

4. "Are those real?" NO! They are completely fake. in fact, what are you talking about you crazy? There is nothing here to even see. Move along.

5. I love when mothers have 37 children and the kids are all screaming "I  WANT A HERMIT CRAB" and then the mother proceeds to make up 31 false excuses as to why they should not have a hermit crab.  Example 1: "Hermit crabs smell and they are dirty."   In fact, hermit crabs do not smell, they live in the sand, and they dont carry diseases. 2: "They bite." Sorry to tell you that they do not have teeth. 3. "They are too hard to take care of." Well maybe for you, but they are in fact the easiest pet ever. Feed it ONCE a week. Make sure it has water. End of story. Dont have to walk it, dont have to take it to the vet, they eat what you eat. EASY street. Stop making up false facts about hermit crabs. Thats character defilement.

I suppose working in any mall type situation really brings people watching to a new level. Then  multiply that with the ridiculousness of selling pet hermit crabs at a kiosk.

I love my life.

Peace out.

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